I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
