I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my poor anus
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
