saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
