I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
