If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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