Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
