Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
