I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
