You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
