There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
