I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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