i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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