I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize