I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
