new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
