things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
