Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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