i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
