i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
