Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
