How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If I die, sorry about rent.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
