you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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