Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
