his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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