he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
