just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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