I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
