names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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