sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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