remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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