I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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