Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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