ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
