the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
