Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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