Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
