Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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