Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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