I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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