i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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