At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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