What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
