Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
