The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
