Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
