Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you had me at cake vodka
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
