i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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