You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
