i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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