Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
