Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
