This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
