I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize