look no pants
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
