why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
