So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
