She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
His nipple licking is glorious
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