I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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