So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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