you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
