just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
