A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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