she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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