Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
